My Approach to Helping
Each person requires us therapists to learn a new language, to paraphase Carl Jung. I am not a cookie-cutter, one size fits all therapist. I respect the intelligence and sensitivity of each client, and am told over and over again that my clients feel safe with me. I work collaboratively and creatively to help my clients find relief and solution. Some treatment is not necessarily long-term — with EMDR, for instance, relief and improvement can sometimes come quickly. I have vast experience treating addictions of all kinds, and families and friends of addictsalcoholics. I am also experienced in treating trauma of various kinds, from childhood abuse to “single-incident” traumas such as car accidents, injuries, etc.
More Info About My Practice
I do work with some insurance companies, provided they cover at least a portion of my usual fee, which is comparable to most therapists in my area. Also please look at my Facebook page (Darren Haber, MFT) to see more about me, information about therapy and addiction, and some interesting stuff in general. Hope you “like” it.
My View on the Purpose of Psychotherapy
The purpose of psychotherapy is to lower suffering and increase peace of mind. Very often the first step in overcoming a problem is resolving feelings that accompany the problem. In our westernized society, needing help with an issue can trigger feelings of shame or inadequacy. I understand the knock to one’s self-esteem that this creates, as well as the ambivalence over trusting a relative stranger with your secrets. It’s also difficult to wave the white flag and say “my way isn’t working, I need some guidance”. Actually, my clients discover that the experience of bonding with a safe, nonjudgmental and caring individual is a healing and energizing experience. It’s a great relief not to have to carry one’s burdens all by oneself — and just about all my clients are much stronger than they thought. Many of our difficulties come from old ideas or old emotional injuries inflicted prior to the onset of the problem — often from childhood, but not always. Thus my first task in reducing suffering is helping the person feel safe, welcome and cared for in a trusting relationship that has enormous potential for healing and vitalizing transformation.
My Role as a Therapist
My main role is to develop a safe and trusting environment of unconditional acceptance and human warmth. Nothing can happen without safety, trust, empathy and a sense of unconditional acceptance of the person, even the parts that are sometimes frightening or feel “yucky”. (Humor helps too.) Coming to therapy is an act of courage; it’s difficult to sit with a stranger and say, “I need help”. This statement can be demoralizing for people, so that’s often the first thing we talk about. My hope is that the person, who is bravely looking within (often the hardest thing to do for us material-minded Westerners!), will discover that, ultimately, there’s nothing to be afraid of, that all of it is part of being human and can be integrated into a stronger, more unified Self. Very often, one’s struggle is actually an avenue to greater compassion for others and peace of mind. Many of my clients discover that asking for help is actually a sign of strength. All easier said than done, of course, but I’ve bore witness to transformation over and over again. If I didn’t have utmost faith in the process, I wouldn’t be able to do it.
My Blog Posts
- Help! I Think I’m Addicted to Video Games
- Help! I Want to Stop Competing with My Friend
- Do Midlife Crisis Relationships Last?
- How Do I Fix Trust Issues After Being Caught Cheating?
- Help! My Partner Doesn’t Like to Be Touched
- What Is Best for Alcoholism—Rehab, Alcoholics Anonymous, or Both?
- Help! My Friend Is in an Abusive Relationship
- Help! I Am Having an Affair and Don’t Want to Stop
- Is It Wrong for Me to Want to Date Younger Men?
- Help! I Don’t Want to Hang Out with My Friends Who Drink
- Help! I’m Having Second Thoughts About Quitting My Job
- Help! How Do You Keep Mutual Friendships Intact After a Breakup?
- Help! I Have No Interest in Sex
- Help! My Partner Insists on Checking My Phone Messages
- Is It Healthy to Masturbate to Thoughts of People I Know?
- The Hidden Trauma of Parenting: Caring in Contrast to Your Past
- My Dad Was Sexually Abused as a Child. Should I Talk to Him About It?
- I Hate My Parents—and I Hate Myself Because of It
- Therapy Isn’t Helping. Is My Therapist Stringing Me Along?
- How Can I Get My Loved One to Rehab?
- How Can I End My Gambling Addiction for Good?
- How Can I Deal with Profound Regret?
- Help! My Antisocial Personality Diagnosis Terrifies Me
- Is Being Selfish Always Bad?
- My Partner Is an Addict. Should I Leave?
- What Can I Do About My Terrible Road Rage?
- Do I Need to Be More Social?
- War Changed My Husband; Should I Feel Guilty for Leaving?
- Why Am I Always Tired?
- Help! How Do I Know Which Therapy I Need?
- How Do I Stop My Son from Picking the Military Over College?
- Am I Addicted to Porn? Is Porn Addiction Even a Thing?
- What Kind of Counseling Should I Seek for My Adult Child?
- How Do I Succeed in Drug Rehab and Reconnect with My Son?
- If Sex Doesn’t Involve Kink or BDSM, I’m Not Interested
- Why Would a Man My Age Have a Rapidly Declining Sex Drive?
- The Myth of the Male Midlife Crisis
- Help! Is It Time for Some ‘Tough Love’ with Our Teenage Son?
- Does Loving a Man Imprisoned for Life Make Me Crazy?
- Help! My Husband Refuses to Unfriend a Woman He Flirted With
- Should I Tell My Wife about an Affair That Ended Long Ago?
- I Feel So Guilty about Leaving My Husband, but Leave I Must
- A Call for Help Adjusting from the Military to Civilian Life
- Help! I Love My Wife, but I Don’t Like Having Sex with Her
- Help! I’m Finally Clean, but My Boyfriend Still Uses Drugs
- Should My Son Play Football? My Husband and I Disagree!
- Is It Friendship If You Have Nothing in Common Anymore?
- Childhood Trauma Left Me Feeling Worthless and Depressed
- My Boyfriend Thinks We Need a Gun, but I Worry He’s Paranoid
- I Was Once My Husband’s Mistress. Now I Can’t Trust Him!
- How Can I Trust after My Girlfriend and Friend Betrayed Me?
- My Wife Wants an Open Marriage. I Don’t. Now What?
- My Husband Can Watch Porn, but Can’t Apply for a Job? Help!
- Help! My Wife Is Spending Us into Bankruptcy
- Why Can’t My Wife Let Me Unwind at the Pub after Work?
- Why Do I Feel Intense Shame and Self-Hatred When I Masturbate?
- Can We Survive My Girlfriend’s Control and Abandonment Issues?
- Help! My Inability to Trust Is Destroying My Relationships
- My Mom Says I’m Codependent. Am I?
- Gambling Addiction Has Taken Over My Brother’s Life
- How Do I Get Over My Therapist Having Sex with Me?
- My Partner Is Overly Defensive. How Can I Lower His Guard?
- Why Is My Sense of Self-Pride So Dependent on Pleasing Others?
- In Bed, My Fiancé Wants Me to Re-Enact Abuse He Suffered As a Child
- My Ex Supports Our Alcohol-Addicted Son Financially. What to Do?
- After Years of Therapy, I’m Ready to Give Up. Am I Hopeless?
- I’m Attracted to Other Men. Should I Leave My Wife?
- He Made Mistakes, I Made Mistakes. Is Our Relationship Salvageable?
- The Father of My Kids Has Mental Health Issues. How Do I Explain It to Them?
- I’m Raising My Daughter’s Child While My Husband Is Out Having Affairs
- Meet the GoodTherapy.org Topic Experts: Darren Haber
- I’m Introverted and Socially Awkward. How Can I Make Friends?
- I Want My Girlfriend to Take a Lover. What’s Wrong with Me?
- Husband Says I Should ‘Get Over’ His Infidelities. Should I?
- I’m 16, and Porn Is Affecting My Studies
- Why Does My Husband Go to Adult Bookstores?
- Should I Leave AA?
- What to Look for in an Addiction Therapist, Part 1
- Questionable Therapist Behavior
- I’m Addicted to Pornography
- My Therapist Is Provoking Me
- What Can We Do to Help Our Adult, Drug-Addicted Daughter?
- Letter to My Sister
- A Moment of Clarity: Fear vs. Faith in the Therapeutic Process, Part II
- A Moment of Clarity: Fear vs. Faith in the Therapeutic Process, Part I
- New Year’s Resolutions and Addiction: The Strength of Weakness
- The Courage to Connect: Therapy and Sex Addiction
- Sex Addiction is a Relational Disorder
- What if My Partner Won’t Stop the Addiction?
- Please Do Disturb: Creating Change in an Alcoholic Family
- In Case of Emergency: Seeking Help When a Loved one Struggles with Addiction
- The Abused Husband: Dealing with Aggression in Relationships
- Part II: (Don’t) Keep Coming Back
- (Don’t) Keep Coming Back
- Saying No to the “Disease”
- Over-Extended: Thoughts on Boundaries in Addictive Families
- Bored to Smiles: Sex Addiction and Social Attunement
- Sex Addiction: Yearning for the Connection You Fear Most
- Family Roles in Addiction Recovery, Part III: The Lost Child
- Family Roles in Addiction Recovery II: The Mascot
- Family Roles in Addiction Recovery I: The Hero and the Scapegoat
Client Focus (Age)
Billing and Insurance:I am an in-network provider for:
Fees: Please call to discuss. I offer a free 20 minute phone consult and a discounted in-person consultation.
Sliding Scale Available Clinicians who offer sliding scale payment structures may offer lower or reduced fees based on an individual’s ability to pay. Please contact this clinician for more details regarding their fees or sliding scale policy.
Free Initial Consultation